My dad's last few years of life were the best ones that I had ever seen from him. During the years I was growing up we didn't always get along, because, quite honestly, neither one of us put in to our relationship what we should have. He was tired and wanted to watch TV; I was a kid and didn't want to be around my parents. But if there is one thing I regret it is that I didn't take advantage of the final years of his life when he was beginning to correct these things. I was hurt and I hung on to that though he wanted to apologize and make things right. I did forgive him, after all, but I couldn't "flip the switch" and just make everything that happened between us go away. Oh how I wish I could have.
I guess if I had it to do over I would have made more time for my dad over the past few year, but I don't get that chance. I have to learn to trust that he knew that I loved him, because the last time I told him was when he was unconscious in the hospital. I have to trust that when he said he loved me, loved my family, that he meant it - I know he did. And I have to have the same hope that he had - that one day when I die (or when Jesus returns) my physical body will die, but my spirit will live on and I'll see my dad again.
I miss my dad now - 68 years old is too young to die - but I have hope that one day in the future I will see him again. Until then, I want to know Jesus. I don't want my sin to get in the way of my relationship with him. I think knowing that dad is with Jesus will help me draw near to Jesus until the day I see them both.
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